Temptations - The Complete Series Read online

I felt myself blushing. My hand gripped his tighter. “I can’t lose myself in you,” I said. “Being with you is like trying to breathe underwater. I feel like I lose all control of my faculties when I’m with you, and that’s not a good thing. In fact, with my history and background, it’s a really, really bad thing.”

  “What kind of history and background are you talking about?”

  I shook my head. I still wasn’t willing to spill all that had happened to me. My history was something that was sacred, and I wasn’t willing to talk to anyone about it except my therapist and possibly, to Dalilah. But that’s only because Dalilah was like me. She was sensitive and was truly an empath. She either didn’t know that about herself, because she had blocked it out since she was a young girl, or she was actively trying to run from it. Whatever the reason, she wasn’t in touch with that part of herself. I wanted to help her, though, get in touch with it. I knew that she would come to it in her own time, though, and on her own terms. She was that kind of girl, in that she didn’t want to listen to anyone.

  “I can’t talk about that.”

  He looked at the water and kept gripping my hand. “That bad?”

  “Yes.” I took a deep breath. “Let’s change the subject. I now know what Jordan was working on before he was killed.”

  “Oh?”

  “Yes. He was developing a marijuana pill. It apparently is one that is quick acting, and that would change the industry.”

  He nodded his head. “I know all about that. He was getting close, for sure, to perfecting something. Why do you bring that up?”

  “Oh. I’m sorry. I thought that was what was secret. I’m surprised that you know about it.”

  “Of course I do. Jordan and I were talking about how perfect it would be if I supplied some of the weed from the Oregon farm for the pill that he was developing. If you think that I would be left out of something like that, then you don’t have a very good sense of my business acumen.”

  I shook my head. I was more confused than ever. “Now, why would Jordan show me that?”

  “Come again?”

  “Jordan. I got an article of clothing from Jane, Jordan’s widow, and he showed me that marijuana pill. He took me into the lab and showed me that pill, specifically.”

  Slade put his hand on his chin. “I’m sorry, but I really don’t believe in all that.”

  “You don’t believe that I can talk to spirits?”

  “I don’t believe in spirits, period. It’s mumbo jumbo. We’re born, we die, we decompose into the earth, unless we’re cremated, and that’s pretty much that.”

  “Oh, I see. You’re an atheist.”

  “You make that sound so wrong somehow. Stephen Hawking has definitively said the exact same thing. Do you look down on him as well?”

  “Who said anything about my looking down on you? You have your ideas, and I have mine. I can definitively say that I can speak with the dead, though, so I don’t believe that spirits don’t exist and possibly heaven and hell, although reincarnation is also a distinct possibility. At any rate, I don’t think that our physical bodies are all that there is in this world.”

  He bit his lip and said nothing.

  “So,” I said. “If you think that I can’t talk to spirits, then you must think that I’m crazy because I’ve heard them for pretty much all my life. They’ve shown me things and told me things, things that turned out to be true.” I felt tears coming to my eyes. “I could have saved my mother if I just would have listened.”

  He put his arm around me supportively, and I put my head on his shoulder. I felt comforted, incredibly comforted, just sitting there on that seawall with Slade’s arm around me, even if he didn’t believe in what made me me.

  “How could you have saved your mother?” he asked me after a few minutes.

  I suddenly didn’t have words for him. Plus, he thought that I was crazy for being able to talk to spirits at all. I didn’t feel comfortable talking about this with him. “Nothing. Forget I said anything.”

  He put his finger under my chin, a gesture that I loved, and brought my face to him. He kissed me passionately for a few minutes. “Hey,” he finally said after our lips parted. “Don’t do this to me. I might not believe, but you do. So, tell me what you were talking about. How could you have prevented your mother’s death?”

  I sighed. “It was that McDonald’s shooting about 10 years ago or so. I’m sure that you remember it. Everybody remembers it. I was dealing with the spirits even then. I was actively trying to block all that out though, because I couldn’t stand it. But that day, I got a message. Spirits don’t tell you things clearly, though, unfortunately. They’re pretty cryptic and give you puzzles that you have to try to figure out. But this message was strong. I saw the gunman, I saw the gun, and I saw the place. I had no idea that my mother was involved though.”

  “I guess I don’t understand. How was a spirit communicating with you before those people were killed? Wouldn’t you have been haunted after the massacre, not before?”

  I sighed. The memory of that day was flooding through me, and I felt as if I was falling apart. That day was all too much. I had been running, so far and so fast, not only from the spirits, but also from something that I didn’t quite understand.

  “The gunman killed his wife before he tore into that McDonald’s that day. I don’t know exactly who contacted me about what was about to happen, but I can only assume that it was her. She showed me a perfect picture of the gunman, Chester Woods, and she clearly showed where he was going to be.”

  “I see. And what did you do about it?”

  “Nothing. I was so tired of fielding messages from beyond, and I was dealing with a traumatic personal issue. I pretty much took several shots of alcohol, which usually was enough to get those voices out of my head, but this message was so strong, that even nine shots of tequila wouldn’t silence it.” I felt my breathing coming faster and faster. “It was horrible. Then I saw the massacre on the news, but I had no idea that my mother was one of the ones who was killed. The media didn’t release the names of the victims until the families were notified, of course. But just seeing the shooting on the news….” I shook my head. “I couldn’t believe it, and the guilt was overwhelming. I’m not at all sure what I could have done to prevent it, but that spirit evidently wanted me to try. And then later, when I found out that my mother was the last person killed…”

  I focused on the waves that I couldn’t really see anymore, as it was dark out, but I could hear them. They were usually very calming for me, but at that moment, nothing could have been calming.

  “That must have been hard. But you can’t blame yourself.”

  “Yes I can. I can. I saw where that gunman was going.”

  “And, what? What could you have done? Did the ghost want you to call the police? They would have hung up on you.”

  “I could have done something. And I could have at least gotten my mom out of there. She didn’t quite understand me nor did she didn’t believe in what I could sense and feel. None of my family ever did. But, I don’t know, I could have done something. I could have called her and told her that I needed to see her immediately. I could have faked a serious injury. I could have done something to make sure that she and Christopher were not at that McDonald’s.”

  Slade shook his head. “Serena, the ghost didn’t show you the fact that your mother was going to be involved. So, how would you have known?”

  “I could have called her to ask her what she was up to. If she would have told me that she was taking Christopher to McDonald’s, then I could have distracted her. I didn’t do any of that, though. I just ignored the spirit’s message, and my mom died because of it.”

  Slade put his arm around me tighter, and I put my face into the soft fabric of his shirt. Hot tears were gushing out of my eyes, even though I had no desire to cry in front of him. I couldn’t help it though. That was the first time that I had ever verbalized the guilt that I felt over my mother’s death. I never to
ld anyone how I felt about that, not even my therapists. Yet I was spilling these feelings to Slade, who didn’t even believe in spirits, let alone messages from beyond the grave.

  “I don’t know what to say, Serena,” Slade said. “As I said, I don’t believe in spirits. So, it’s difficult for me to give you advice on what you could have done about your mother. I don’t doubt that you think that you got a message, though, but….”

  “I did get a message. I did. You can believe me or not, but I did. I could have saved my mother if I just would have heeded it.”

  He lifted my chin and commanded me to look at him. I did, and I almost melted into his beautiful green eyes. “You can’t blame yourself,” he said. “You can’t. The only person to blame is that deranged man, Chester Woods.”

  I nodded my head, but I didn’t believe him. I always felt that the whole thing was my fault, which was why I covered up so much, and why my behavior was always so self-destructive. My therapist told me that I was continually punishing myself, and maybe I was. All that I knew was that physical pain felt right to me. It was the only right thing for me in the years after my mother’s shooting.

  “You’re not picking up what I’m putting down,” Slade said. “I’m trying to tell you that you need to let all of that go. I understand what you think happened, but, come on. If that spirit would have just told you, point blank, that your mother was at McDonald’s, I’m quite sure that you would have done something.”

  I couldn’t tell if he was humoring me, or if I was changing his mind about spiritual messages. I assumed it was the former, though, and I felt like he was being condescending to me. I closed my eyes and tried to pick up his vibrations, and I felt that he was grieving with me and was concerned. But I didn’t quite feel that he was believing the words that I was telling him.

  The wind picked up, and I felt a slight chill. It was early summer, after all, so the oppressive heat had not yet settled onto the city. In place of the heat, that was sure to come in July and August, we were still in the middle of “May Grey,” which referred to the relentless days of overcast skies that resulted in cool evenings. Slade was wearing a light dress jacket, and he took it off and put it on my shoulders. I clutched the lapels, wrapping the jacket tighter around me.

  “Let’s go back,” I said. “It’s getting late, and I’m going to have to get up super early to get this appellate brief done. It’s almost there, but not quite.”

  We walked back, Slade holding my hand. It felt absolutely right for him to hold my hand, even more right than the physical pain that I had always sought. I wondered to myself if there was a way that being with Slade might take my mind off of my desire to self-destruct for good.

  No, Serena, my inner voice said. Stop thinking that he will be your savior. You have to save yourself.

  That’s what I had tried to do all my life it seemed, and I had failed miserably. Therapists, running, renovating houses – they were all band-aids at best. As hard as I tried, I couldn’t outrun the demons.

  We got back to my place, and I asked him to come in with me, on a whim.

  “I thought you would never ask,” he said.

  I let the dogs out of their kennel and put them in my little backyard to do their business. As I was standing at my backdoor, Slade came up behind me and wrapped himself around me. “You smell amazing,” he said, as he bit my neck lightly. His hands roamed down my stomach, and his fingers gently pushed aside my panties and found my soft inner folds. I put my hands on the wall to steady myself and moaned lightly.

  “My roommates might be home at any second,” I said. I had just given up trying to resist Slade. There was no resisting him anymore. My body had officially taken over and silenced my brain.

  “Oh?” he asked. “Let’s take this into your bedroom, then.”

  I stood there for a few minutes more, calling the dogs to come in. All the while, Slade was behind me, his fingers lightly tickling my clit. Slade’s lips were on my neck and one of his hands was deftly making its way underneath my shirt. With a flick, my bra was loosened, and I felt his hand lightly rubbing my breast.

  The dogs finally made their way inside, and I put them back in their kennel. “I’m sorry, little girls, I know that you sleep with me usually, but tonight, you’ll have to sleep right there in your little cage.” Bella and Gigi seemed to understand, for they both yawned and curled up together.

  Slade then picked me up effortlessly and took me into my little bedroom. He laid me down on the bed, and covered me in kisses. “I know that this sounds crazy,” he said. “But I missed you these past few days. Nuts, huh?”

  I shook my head. “Not nuts. I felt the same way.” I spread my legs underneath him, and he lay down on top of me. He piled my hair on top of my head and put his legs in the crook of my own. He was still wearing his clothes, and so was I, but he unzipped my skirt and pulled it off me while I unbuttoned my own shirt and exposed my chest to him. He brought my shirt down and off of me, while he lightly kissed and tickled my breasts with his tongue. His scent was spicy and sweet, with just a hint of natural man. My legs shook beneath his weight, and I reared back my head.

  Slade raised my arms over my head as he buried his face in my chest. With his free hand, he undid his pants and slipped them off, although he still had his ironed and pressed dress shirt on his magnificent chest. His other hand was firmly placed on my two wrists, which were suspended above my head. “You like a little pain, don’t you, Serena?” he asked me in a whisper.

  I said nothing, but just nodded my head. I wanted to feel him dominating me. I needed for him to immobilize me, make me submit. Make me lose control. Make me surrender.

  “I’m not going to hurt you yet,” he said to me. “Not like this. I will later, as much as you want. But not like this.”

  I nodded my head, feeling profoundly disappointed. But I knew why he wasn’t going to hurt me. A relationship based upon domination and pain wasn’t just something that two people begin without talking about it first. There needed to be conversations about safe words and hard limits and what I wanted from him. I was disappointed, yet grateful that he respected me enough to not go there without talking to me.

  He took off his shirt, and I admired his hard chest and abs. He was sheer perfection, from head to toe. From his sinewy, hard pecs to his eight pack abs and right on down to his muscular legs, he was a beautiful sight to behold. His manhood, which was thick and long, was something that felt amazing to me as he entered me. I was dying for him to sheath himself, so that I could feel his glorious cock inside of me, but he was more interested in teasing me.

  He brought his belt out, and wrapped my wrists in it. As he tightened the belt, so that there was a slight pain on my wrists, I practically orgasmed. Just that little hint of what was to come, this very subtle pain, excited my imagination on what would happen in the future. It tripped my pleasure sensors, so that I felt that I was going to be begging for it soon. Begging for him to take me rough, to cover my body in bites and stings, to take his belt and crack it savagely on my back and ass.

  I hated that I was going to have to wait for that, but what he was doing to me felt amazing anyhow.

  He tightened the belt even more, increasing my pain. A jolt of electricity ran through my spine, and I moaned. “Please, please, please give me more,” I said to him.

  He shook his head. “No. This is as far as I’m going to go right now. I’m going to give it to you nice and slow, and very, very vanilla. But it gives you something to look forward to.”

  At that, he kissed me slow and deep. He raised my wrists above my head again, and secured them by wrapping the belt around the bed post behind me. That feeling of being helpless, and now knowing what he was going to do next, was intoxicating to me. I felt the white-hot feeling of lustful tingles that started in my nether-region and quickly, like wildfire, ran all the way through my body.

  If I was already feeling powerful orgasms, what was going to happen when we really got going? When we really had sex
the way that I wanted to? The way that I needed to? I didn’t know what was going to happen, but I did start to feel as if I was on a different planet. That I was floating effortlessly above the bed, watching this beautiful man, down below, ravaging me.

  With my hands secured behind me on the bed, I was helpless to do anything but lay there and let him take me. He was gentle, though, more gentle than I wanted him to be, yet it still felt amazing all the same. His tongue was making circular motions down my belly and he was soon between my legs. He nibbled, sucked, and licked that area, his skillful tongue darting in and out of my nether parts. I felt that I was on fire, because my body continued to burn with desire with every stroke and lick of his sensuous lips and tongue. He put two fingers in my ass, and I felt the familiar pleasure tingles that made me cry out his name, over and over.

  “Are you ready for me, Serena?” he asked me as he put his wrist over my own, which were still completely bound to the bed.

  I said nothing, but just nodded my head. I didn’t have words for him because I felt that desire, complete and overwhelming desire, had blocked my speech. I could hear the words in my head though – words that were begging him to put his glorious and enormous cock deeply inside of me.

  “I’m more than ready.”

  At that, he sheathed his manhood, and, in no time, he was deeply inside of me. I cried out in ecstasy as I clawed his back. He lightly pinched each of my nipples, and I felt the sweet feeling of surrender to him. “Do that again, and do it harder,” I commanded him.

  He shook his head. “I’m in control, and I’ll do what I want to you. If I do what you tell me, you won’t be surprised.”

  I nodded my head, but I was desperate for him to make me feel pain.

  He continued to stroke in and out of me, and, to my immense pleasure, he tightened the belt around my wrists still tighter. I could feel the circulation in my wrists starting to wane, and they tingled as my hands filled up with blood. I reared back my head, concentrating on the pain that I was feeling in my wrists, and then, when Slade savagely bit my breast, I cried out in ecstasy and pain.