Secrets and Lies Read online

  “What the fuck?” I said. “You two douchebags gonna pay for that door?”

  “Hey,” Jake said. “Look who’s calling who douchebags. We gotta game tonight, and we’re not taking ‘no’ for an answer anymore. Now get your candy ass into your shower, because you’re ripe, man, and meet us down at Brown Betty in a half hour. A half hour, bro, or we’re coming back up. Capice?”

  “No, man, I can’t make it,” I said. “I got the flu, or something, I don’t know. I can’t shake it. You guys go on without me.”

  “A half hour, or we’re coming back in here with Leo, and he’s gonna force your pussy-whipped butt out of this apartment,” Henry said.

  I sighed. Leo was 250 lbs of solid muscle, and if anybody could force me out of this apartment, it would be him.

  “Fuck off,” I said. “I’ll meet you in a half hour. Try not to pick up on anybody in the meantime, Jake, although I know that it’ll be hard.”

  “Eh, fuck you,” Jake said, but he wasn’t serious. “See you in a few.”

  A half hour later, after I took a shower and shaved, I met the guys at Jake’s car. They were leaning against the car, Henry smoking a cigarette. They saw me, and we all got into the car without a word.

  “Man, when are you gonna quit with those cancer sticks?” I asked Henry.

  “I quit,” he said, taking another drag and flicking the ash out the window.

  “How’s that working out for you?” I asked, and Jake started laughing. To my surprise, I actually managed a smile and a chuckle myself.

  “Fuck you,” Henry said with a smile. To his credit, he actually stubbed the cigarette out in the ashtray, as opposed to throwing the butt out the window. He knew that I would ream his ass if he would do that - because if there was one thing I hated, it was a litterer.

  “Sorry to ambush you like that,” Jake said. “But we had no choice. Pauly’s in town, and there’s no way we weren’t going to get everyone together for that.”

  “Pauly” was Paul Schraeder, who was living on the West Coast, having moved out to San Francisco a year before. He rarely came to visit, but when he did, it was like an event, really. He actually was one of my favorite guys, so I was finding that I was glad that these two clowns forced me out of the house.

  “Yeah,” Henry said. “And we gotta get your pussy-whipped ass out of that apartment. Man, it’s been two weeks. No chick is worth moping for two weeks. You gotta join the living, man. The living. That’s where it’s at.”

  I said nothing. Henry couldn’t understand that Dalilah wasn’t just some chick to me. She was everything.

  And now she was gone.

  Chapter 6

  “Your deal,” Pauly was saying to me. “Call it.”

  “Five card stud,” I said, passing out the cards.

  I looked at my hand. I had an ace high and nothing else. Still, I put in ten bucks to start things off. In our games, the dealer had the opening bid.

  As the other guys were variously throwing in their own chips, or folding, Ralph, a big black guy, was saying “so, you and that hot number are through, huh? What a class act like that was doing with a guy like you in the first place, I don’t know.”

  I glared at him, but I wasn’t angry. That was what we did – we busted each other constantly. Par for the course, but it didn’t make me feel any better.

  Eventually everyone folded, and I collected the kitty. Pauly was dealing next, and he chose Jacks or Better. Fortunately, I had a hand that could open the deal, as I had a couple of Kings, so I was able to make a wager.

  “The problem with your situation with Dalilah,” Henry was saying, “is the law of supply and demand.”

  “Come again?” I said.

  “Supply and demand. Girls like her are in short supply, so there’s a high demand. Guys like you are a dime a dozen, so there’s not as much of a demand.”

  “Hey, fuck you,” Jake said to Henry. “Why don’t you stop busting him like that? He’s got a show coming up where he might really make some bank.”

  “Hey, it’s okay, Jake,” I said. “Go on with your theory, Henry.”

  “Dalilah is a 1943 copper penny,” he said.

  I nodded, but everyone else looked at him like he had grown another head. “What the fuck does that supposed to mean?” Leo asked.

  “In 1943, World War II was going on, and copper was in short supply,” I explained. “So they made most of the pennies out of silver. But, by some mistake, there were actually 40 pennies made that year out of copper. Now, those 40 pennies are worth hundreds of thousands of dollars, because there’s so few of them.”

  Henry nodded solemnly. “The boy speaks the truth,” he said. “Now, Dalilah is a 1943 copper penny, and you, Luke, are just a regular penny. Yeah, you’re a pretty boy, and you’re smart, and I guess you have a lot of talent. Although the stuff you do is over my head, I’ll admit. But you don’t have two nickels to rub together.”

  “What is it with the coin analogies?” Pauly asked.

  “Just sayin,’” Henry said. “And, yeah, you got that opportunity at that fancy gallery, and hopefully that’s going to go gangbusters for ya. But Dalilah is a rarity. Classy, gorgeous, smart, and mega-bucks. Sorry, but a woman like that is going to be with another 1943 copper penny. She’s in short supply, in high demand, and she’ll end up with a guy version of her. Just you wait and see.”

  I tapped my fingers on the table, not really wanting to believe what Henry was saying. But secretly knowing that he was probably right. Even if I made $100,000 at this show, so what? What was that to a woman like her?

  Nothing, that’s what.

  And Henry was bringing up something that was nagging me all along. Perhaps Dalilah wasn’t playing me at all, but she just didn’t think I was good enough for her? She changed her mind, and decided to put on a cold woman act so that I would forget about her. Would that be worse? She could find another wealthy guy who wasn’t a douchebag, but would treat her special. Another 1943 penny, as Henry would put it. Was that worse than her being a sociopath who got off on playing mind-fuck games with men?

  I sighed. No, that wouldn’t be worse. At least in that other scenario, she could find happiness. And her finding true happiness would actually bring me joy. Because I wanted that for her, even after she so coldly dumped me. I wanted her to be happy. Needed for her to be happy.

  And if she were a true sociopath, as she had said, then happiness would be impossible. Sociopaths couldn’t feel happiness, as they really couldn’t feel anything at all.

  The game continued, but I couldn’t really concentrate, so I ended up making more than a few mistakes. I was definitely off my game, as my bluffing skills were sub-par, and I was having a difficult time picking up on the non-verbal cues of the guys around me. Usually, I did an excellent job of reading the body language and facial expressions of the other players, which was why I usually was able to clean up at the poker table.

  Not on that day. I was just off. So, by the time the game was over, I ended up losing around $500, which, at that time, was a lot of money for me. And, what the hell, who knows? My show might be a complete and utter flop, and $500 might always be a lot of money for me. Nothing in life was guaranteed, and that would include this show.

  I threw down my cards on the last hand and glared at Jake, who was looking pretty sheepish next to me. “Thanks, Jake, for dragging me here. Thanks a lot. Now, on top of losing the love of my life, I’ve also lost $500. Talk about the cherry on top of the sundae.”

  Jake slapped my back. “But, hey, I got you out of the house. Out of your wallowing for just this one night. You can go back to your pity pot tomorrow. And, look at it this way – now you have something else to mope about. Maybe losing this money will take your mind off her of her.”

  “Oh, that was your plan all along, huh? Give me a different pain to think about? Good thinking, there,” I said, with a roll of my eyes. “Sorry, but that isn’t going to work. My heart has been ripped out, and no amount of different pain i
s going to change that.”

  Jake was quiet for a few minutes. The other guys were too. They didn’t quite know what to say for once.

  Finally, Henry broke the silence. “Aw, Luke, cheer up. Dalilah was one of a kind, but guys like us don’t belong with girls like her in the first place. Listen, I got five sisters, any one of them would go for a guy like you. Well, maybe not Elaine, she got a husband and all, but she’s always looking for side projects, if you know what I mean. But I know that’s not up your alley. And Terri, she’s pretty easy. You could score with her the first night.”

  Henry continued to ramble on and on, naming each of his sisters and concluding that none of them would exactly be right for a relationship, but they all would be right for a night or two.

  “Sounds like your sisters are real winners,” Leo said.

  “Hey, fuck you,” Henry told Leo. “At least they don’t have an old man who’s in prison for securities fraud, unlike your sister.”

  Leo just laughed and shook his head. “True, that.”

  I just watched the guys busting on each other, not taking part in any of that for once. Jake looked over at me and I could tell that he was feeling badly for bringing me along. He stood up. “Well, guys it’s been a good night. I’m gonna take Luke home now, so I’ll catch up with all you losers later.”

  I nodded my head and stood up too. I was relieved to be getting out of there. All I wanted was to get back home and go back to my usual routine of lying on the couch and zoning out. That was still all that I had the energy for.

  Henry stood up, too. “Hey, Jake and Luke, it’s good that you guys could make it. I’m gonna stick around and get a ride home with Leo.”

  Jake nodded to everyone, and the two of us went out the door.

  After we had been in the car awhile, Jake said “hey, Luke, don’t mind that stupid Henry. You’re not a regular penny.”

  I was zoning out and, at first, I didn’t know what he was talking about. “Huh? What do you mean?”

  “All that talk about Dalilah being so special and you being so ordinary. That’s bullshit. You’re not ordinary, and you never will be. You got a gift, man. A gift. So, don’t listen to idiots who don’t understand that. I’ve seen your work, and I think that you’re just as much of a 1943 copper penny as she is. Probably more.”

  I nodded my head. Jake could be obtuse as anybody, but, when it came right down to it, he usually knew just what to say to me when I really needed to hear something encouraging. “Thanks for saying that, Jake.”

  And then I was quiet for a few seconds.

  “You know what is the worst time of day?” I finally said, as I stared out the window of the beat up Corolla.

  “When?”

  “The morning, when I first wake up. It’s like after my mom died. For the split second when I open my eyes, it’s like I had forgotten the pain. Everything seems new for that split second, which makes it all the more hard when I realize, just a few seconds later, that this is my life. This is my life. I had a love and now I don’t.”

  “How do you deal with that?”

  “Usually by going back to bed, unless I have to work.”

  Jake put his hand on my back, and slapped it lightly. “You’re grieving. I know that this probably isn’t going to help, but, a year from now, when you’re rich and famous and you’re dating some German supermodel, you won’t even remember Dalilah’s name.”

  I nodded my head, but said nothing. As much as Jake was trying to cheer me up, he wasn’t at all. I didn’t want a German supermodel. I just wanted Dalilah. But, at the same time, I knew that he meant well, so I just played along.

  “A German supermodel. Maybe her name is Anke. And she’s tall and blond and willowy like Heidi Klum. Man, when I was a kid, I had such a crush on her.”

  “When you were a kid, she was already like 100 years old.”

  “Shut up. She was in her forties and still smoking. Ageless. Like Dorian Gray.”

  “Dorian Gray? Who the hell is that? Some other supermodel?”

  I shook my head. “No, he was a guy in one of Dalilah’s favorite books, The Picture of Dorian Gray. He was this handsome young guy who was full of himself, so he never wanted to age. He didn’t age – his portrait did, though. His portrait also showed all the ugliness that he had inside of himself. He stayed perfectly preserved, while his portrait got older and uglier all the time.”

  “Sounds like a cool book. I should check that out,” Jake said, humoring me. I knew better. He didn’t read much, except comic books, and he certainly wasn’t going to read something that was written in the 19th Century by an eccentric Irish playwright.

  “It was one of Dalilah’s favorite books, because it was how she saw many of the people that she knew. Especially the ones that she grew up with. Beautiful and wealthy on the outside, rotting on the inside. But she also would bring up the book when she saw people who never seemed to age – she said that they were like Dorian Gray. Others would joke and say that the youthful-looking people were vampires, but Dalilah was more literary, so she used the Dorian Gray analogy instead.”

  I sighed. Just one of the things that I loved about her – her fierce intelligence and her ability to call bullshit on just about anybody. There wasn’t anything that I could put over on her, and I loved that. She couldn’t be bullshitted. She had read just about everything there was to read, so she was also a fascinating font of knowledge. I was well-read, too, so I was able to keep up with her somewhat, but she really just blew me away in that department.

  Not that she lorded it over me or anyone else.

  “Hey,” Jake said. “You gotta forget about her. You gotta show coming up, and you’re going to blow everyone away. Think about that. That’s your future, there, man. You can’t just half-ass this premiere. You gotta be there and kiss the ring and do what you gotta do to make sure that your show sells out and you start getting the commissions you need. You gotta go for it. Never let a chick stand in your way of that. Love might be fleeting, but success ain’t, if you play your cards right.” And then he chuckled. “Which you didn’t tonight, I’ll admit.”

  In spite of myself, I started laughing too. “Yeah, I really sucked tonight at cards, didn’t I?”

  “Yep. Gave the term ‘flop’ a whole new meaning,” he said, referring to the first three face up cards in Texas Hold’em.

  We laughed a little bit more, and Jake said “man, I couldn’t believe that you bluffed when Leo had a ladies high full house. When you laid down your shit hand, I almost lost it.”

  I shook my head. Something like that never would have happened before Dalilah left me. I was normally a better player than that. “Yeah, maybe I need to cool it with the cards until I actually have money to lose. But we can still hang out, of course.”

  “Goes without saying,” he said. “Well, looks like we’re here.” He pulled up to the curb in front of my apartment. “You gonna be okay?”

  “Eventually,” I said. “I just need to wallow some more. But, you’re right. I at least have to make a guest appearance at my show. Not sure how I’m going to be able to glad-hand everyone there, but I at least have to try.”

  He slapped my shoulder again. “Hey, you take care, alright? This is your first broken heart. Man, I’ve had fifty broken hearts. Doesn’t even phase me anymore.”

  I smiled, not telling him that Dalilah was different from any of his short-termers who were, by and large, bimbos. No, Dalilah was truly a 1943 copper penny, while Jake’s women were truly regular pennies. I knew that I’d be hard-pressed to find a woman like Dalilah again, which was what made it all the more depressing. “I love you, bro.”

  “You too,” he said, pointing to me as I got out of the car.

  Then I went upstairs to my empty apartment and did what I did best – laid down on the couch.

  Chapter 7

  Dalilah

  I was waiting at the restaurant, nervously sipping my water. I had asked Nick to meet me here, because he was going to be the fr
ont line in breaking the news to my father about my impending nuptials to Nottingham. Dad was going to go Defcon 1 when he heard the news, I knew, so I thought that I could try to get Nick as an ally in this whole situation. After all, it was Nick who first told my dad about how much of a creeper Nottingham was. Maybe if I could get him on my side, then my dad might accept the whole thing a little bit better.

  Maybe, but probably not. Still, a good word from Nick to my dad might make the whole thing a bit more palatable.

  The last thing that I wanted was for my dad or anybody else trying to blow this whole thing up. As heartbreaking as it would be to have to live with a man like Nottingham, it had to be done for Luke. His show was close, and Nottingham had already arranged for some of the top international art critics to be there. Including Henry Jacobs. He was a star-maker, no matter what he did to me. An artist gets a good review from him, and that artist would be on his way.

  And Nottingham had been saying ominous things lately. “You have to keep your end of the bargain, Dalilah. If anything interferes with me getting what I want from you, then Luke will be a never-was. And just remember, even after he makes it, I can make him a has-been just as quickly.”

  I wondered if Nottingham had ever felt guilty about how he manipulated people for his own gain. For the ruthless way that he used his money and power to bring the little people to heel. I envisioned him as a puppeteer, and I was on the string, dancing.

  The only good thing was that we hadn’t had sex yet. Nottingham told me that he wanted to “save me” for after we were married, and then he pretty much wanted free reign. He had explained that he had been looking for just the right submissive, and that he thought that I would be just the woman.

  I wanted to fight back. I wanted so much just to tell him to go to hell, and I would have. I would have if I didn’t know exactly how much devastation he would cause for Luke if I did that.

  How did I get so trapped?

  I drummed my fingers on the table impatiently, and sipped my water some more. Nick wasn’t usually late, but he was this evening, for whatever reason.