Temptations - The Complete Series Page 36

  Through it all though, I never said a word to anyone about what had happened. I withdrew from everyone, and I told everyone that I was depressed because of my mother. That was only half true. The other half was that I was reeling, and almost suicidal, because of what had happened to me in the woods. There were nights when I literally just wanted to end it all. Just drive up to the ocean, weigh myself down with rocks, and walk into the sea. Would I even be missed? My family hated me, for good reason, because I was a total shit in those days. I wasn’t all that noticed in school, because I wanted to disappear, which is why I had my clever goth disguise – I felt like all the black makeup, hair and clothes hid me from everyone. That I walked around the halls of school playing the part of somebody else, because the real Serena couldn’t bear to walk those halls with everyone else. The real Serena didn’t want to be known.

  “Serena,” Slade said gently, bringing me out of my daydream. “You don’t have to go on if you don’t want to.” He put his hand on my shoulder and lightly played with my hair. I sighed, feeling what I felt when I was with him – loved, protected, cherished. Like nobody was going to hurt me, ever again. I squeezed his hand and turned my head and sighed.

  “No, Slade, I do think that I need to tell you this. My therapist in New York told me that this incident played a big part in shaping me and what I want from others. Why I feel the need to have some pain in my life. It’s all a release for me, a release for the pain that I was carrying around with me. It’s all a part of my wanting to suffer, too, because of the guilt that I was feeling for not stopping the murder of my mother. A lot of complex things are rolled into my psyche, and I wish that you didn’t have to know about them or experience them, but I think that you will.”

  Slade bowed his head. “I had no idea. I knew that you had some secrets and some shame, but I didn’t know all of that happened to you. What did you do? Did you tell anyone about him?”

  I shook my head. “No. I felt so ashamed about it, I just didn’t tell anyone at all. And I was very angry. I started to lash out at everyone, especially my family. I think that I was angry with my family anyhow because they never believed me when I told them about my gift. Or curse, it depends on how you look at it. But they never believed me, so I was angry with them. Then, all these things started to cascade – the rape, the miscarriage, my mother – and I felt that I was cracking up. I went to college at NYU, but, every night that I could, I went to an underground club. Nothing had ever felt more right to me than being whipped, bound and humiliated at this club. I think it was that when I felt pain from them, I forgot about my own internal pain.”

  Slade swallowed, hard. “I’m so sorry,” he said quietly. “So very sorry. I wish that there was some way that I could take away your pain.”

  I looked at him, suddenly feeling shy about asking him what I was going to ask him. But, at the same time, I felt that I had to. “Slade, what about you? I feel that maybe you’re a Dom, or you’ve had experience with that.”

  He smiled slightly, but it was almost like a grimace. “Yes. I’ve had some experience with that. I’ve needed to be in control because of my own experiences in my own life. When you’re only 7 years old and you see your mother kill your father in cold blood, it does something to you. I don’t think that you could possibly imagine, or maybe you could, what that is like. And what it’s like to suddenly be forced to live with strangers, strangers who are cold to you. My mother is a native New Yorker, from a loud Italian family. She’s vibrant and alive. Helen is the polar opposite of my mother. She’s very WASPy, and she covers up her feelings with gin. She never gave me hugs or any kind of physical contact, unlike my mother, who always was warm and funny and…expressive. Emotional. So, yeah, when all that happened, I withdrew, just like you.”

  I nodded my head, suddenly seeing where his controlling nature came from. I guess I never thought of it like that, but it made sense – when your early life is that out of control, I would imagine that trying to regain control, anyway that you could, would be paramount. It would probably be the most important thing to think about.

  It was my turn to put my arm around him. I snuggled my chin into his neck while I played with the hairs on the back of his head. I loved his hair, because it was so thick and dark and luxurious. “Well, I guess this all settles it. We’re drawn to one another because we recognize each other. We know each other’s wounds, and we know just how to tend to them. That’s something that I’ve always craved – to be with somebody who knew me, who got me, and who knew how to help me feel something that’s not totally destructive. I feel that I could be dominated by you, and that you could inflict pain that wouldn’t feel humiliating or degrading as much as it would feel like love.”

  Slade smiled. “Yes, but I’m drawn to you for so many other reasons. Mainly I’m drawn to you because of your fierceness, your independence, and not to mention that you’re goddamned gorgeous. But, I admit, the fact that you and I have had similar experiences is a part of it.” He smiled, putting his finger under my chin, which was a gesture that I loved. “But only a small part.”

  As he kissed me, I knew that I was going to have to talk to him about what I wanted from him. I knew what I liked and what I craved. My therapist told me that if I could experience the pain that I sought in a respectful and loving relationship, I would possibly be able to handle it. It was something that I wanted, desperately, to turn away from, because that path wasn’t good for me, yet it was also something that I felt that I needed in some way. I hadn’t gone to any underground clubs here in San Diego, because I was trying to turn away from that lifestyle, yet, here it was, being tacitly offered to me. I didn’t want to turn that down.

  “Slade,” I said, after our lips parted. “I’d like to continue to explore that side with you. The other night, with the candle wax and the belt felt amazing. I’m not totally hardcore or anything like that, but I do like pain. In fact, I crave it. I love to be dominated, bound and gagged and flogged and made to do things that I would never admit, in a million years, that I wanted to do. Can we explore that?”

  I felt nervous, waiting for his answer.

  He seemed hesitant. “Serena, I would love to do all that with you. But I’m soon going to be gone, and, I’m sorry, but you and I probably won’t be able to stay together. I don’t want you to be pining away for me when I leave. I want you to move on with your life. I feel guilty right now, sitting here with you, because the more time we spend together, the harder it’s going to be when I have to go away.”

  I was quiet, feeling rejected and rebuffed. “I don’t understand, I guess. The plan was, all along, for you to take a dive on your case, wasn’t it? Because if you didn’t, Charlotte would go to the authorities about your mother? So, you’ve known, all along, that prison was end-game for you on this. So, why would you have ever started up with me if that was what was going to happen, and you wanted it to happen that way?”

  He shook his head. “I don’t want it to happen this way. I never did. And, the original agreement between Charlotte and me wasn’t that I was necessarily going to serve time for Jordan’s murder. It was that I was going to be punished by being dragged through the mud, and I hired Malcolm, who I know was the real culprit, as part of this plan. I knew that Malcolm was going to throw the case, so I also knew that there was a good chance that I was going to do time for Jordan’s murder, but that was a stipulation that Charlotte put on all of it. She wanted there, clearly, for me to do time for the murder, but knowing that I would have excellent grounds for appeal due to ineffective assistance of counsel. That was her loophole, in her crazy head. She figured that I would serve time in prison, and get out with the help of a good attorney who would appeal because of Malcolm’s incompetence.”

  “That doesn’t even seem logical. If you appealed, and won on appeal, you would get a new trial, and then what? Presumably, Charlotte would have to allow you to get a decent attorney, one who was truly invested in helping you win, and there would be the possibility that s
he and Malcolm would be the ones who would end up in trouble for all of it. I don’t think that she thought all of it through.”

  Slade was telling me that the plan wasn’t always that he was going to necessarily do time for the murder, but he also knew that there was always a good chance that he would. So, his words weren’t comforting me. Why would he get involved with me, knowing that there was an excellent chance that doing time was going to happen?

  I asked him that, and he simply said “I couldn’t stay away. I couldn’t imagine not being with you. I couldn’t not make love to you, kiss you, and feel myself inside of you. I couldn’t not feel what it felt like to wake up with my arms tightly wrapped around you. I know it seems selfish, because I’ve always had the feeling that you aren’t exactly whole, but I couldn’t help myself. From the first time I saw you, I felt something. I don’t even know what that something was, but I felt it. I think you did too.”

  Slade was right. I did feel it, right from the start. It was magnetic, electric and threw me for a total loop. It wasn’t even that I felt that I had known him all my life, but that certainly was part of it. But it was also that I knew that there was something underneath all that cocky bluster that was just like me. Damaged, broken, unable to heal. Seeking something, anything, to make it all better.

  And I was going to lose him. Soon. Once he pled guilty, there was no turning back. None at all. No way to appeal. He would be sitting in that prison cell for the rest of his life. And for what? Because he was too much of a good guy to risk his mother’s freedom. He wanted to also save me. He was throwing himself on his own sword for the two of us. Here was a man who was literally willing to sacrifice himself to make sure that the people he loved were safe and protected.

  I couldn’t take it. I wasn’t going to take it. I didn’t care. I knew what I had to do, and I knew how I was going to get him out of this. He had no idea that I had a plan up my sleeve, and I didn’t want to tell him just yet what was planned.

  I sighed. “I did. I definitely felt it from you from the very beginning.”

  He was watching me, as if he was studying me. He wasn’t saying a word. Finally, he spoke. “There is something that I need to tell you. I was on the beach down here in San Diego and you were there. I think that you were with one of your roommates. And I was…” He shook his head. “I can’t even explain it. I couldn’t take my eyes off of you. And, in a weird way, that’s what put this whole thing into motion.”

  I felt stunned. I had no idea that he had seen me before I went to his house. I also didn’t know what he was talking about when he told me that seeing me on the beach put the whole thing into motion. What did he mean by that?

  “I don’t understand. How did seeing me put this whole thing into motion?”

  He sighed. “Charlotte is a wily one. She had a tail on me, and the tail saw me watching you obsessively that day. He took your picture and sent it to her, and she was able to find your picture on the Internet by using Google images. If you upload a picture, any picture, Google will match the image with any other image on the web. When she uploaded your picture, she was led right to the website of your law firm and your picture. Her whole plan fell into place after that. It was perfect for her the way it all fell into place.”

  I shook my head. “I still don’t understand.”

  “She found out that you worked for Malcolm, and that’s what led her to Malcolm and your firm. She was deliberate – she apparently wanted us to meet and fall in love, which would make my prison sentence that much worse to bear. Charlotte is just a sadistic bitch.”

  I let his words absorb and permeate. There was a part of me that couldn’t quite believe what he was saying. But there was a part of me that could see how diabolical it all was. It wasn’t enough for her to destroy his life. No, she had to make sure that he truly had something to lose when he went to prison.

  Diabolical. That was the only word for it.

  Chapter 18

  After Slade and I had our talk, I knew that I wanted the two of us to explore a side of me that I hadn’t explored in a healthy way yet. He was experienced in the dominant-submissive lifestyle, as was I. We weren’t virgins in that area, and I knew that we could do well together. I knew what I liked, and he probably felt the same.

  So, we talked about it. It was the most respectful thing to do, and, really, it was the only way to truly explore a relationship like this. “If you’re okay with the fact that we won’t be together next week, then I would love to really try a few things out.”

  He seemed almost shy when he was talking to me about it, and I felt the same way.

  I took a deep breath. “I would like to try things out as well.” I felt nervous, for some reason, to admit that I was all ready to go in a way. I had purchased a St. Andrew’s Cross some time ago, and I had it hidden away in the large walk-in closet that was in my room. I also had a spanking bench in there. “I’d like to show you some of the toys and things that I have.”

  He smiled, and I knew that he was going to be game for anything.

  I went into the closet, and brought out the cross. It was lightweight, for it was made with hollow steel, although it was very large. My cross was about six feet tall and wasn’t really a cross that people would think about so much as it was a giant X. At the top of the cross was two leather handcuffs that hung by some short but heavy chains. On the bottom of he cross was two devices that would secure my feet. “I’d like for you to chain me to this and blindfold me,” I said. “And do whatever you want with me.”

  I could tell by the look on Slade’s face that he was very excited about this. I also had the feeling that this was not his first time seeing this type of thing.

  He came over to me and the two of us put this cross against the wall. I felt my heart pounding as I thought about what was about to happen. I was about to entirely give up control to him. Once I was on this cross, I was going to be rendered helpless. I was going to be at his mercy, so to speak. Granted, we had a safe word, but I was determined not to use it unless or until he did something that was over the line. I wanted to lose control. I wanted him to dominate me and make me submit to him.

  He kissed me passionately, and I felt my netherparts tingle. “You trust me,” he said. “That means a ton.”

  I nodded my head. “I do trust you. It takes a lot for me to trust anyone.” I looked down at the ground. “But there’s not a doubt in my mind that I trust you.”

  He got down on the ground and kneeled in front of me. He gently took off my one of my shoes and then the other. I spread my legs and his tongue gently massaged one of my calves and then made its way up my thighs. His hands wandered to the back of my skirt and he slowly but surely unzipped it, and then he brought down my panties. As my heart started to pound, I groaned as his talented tongue stroked inside of me. I put my arms above my head, wanting him to secure me on the cross.

  He unbuttoned my blouse, button by button, as I felt my breathing get faster and faster. After he flicked off my bra, I was completely naked and he was still completely clothed. He reached into my toy chest, which was situated by the bed, and brought out a cloth blindfold and put that on me. “Don’t forget your safe word,” he said.

  “Orange.”

  “Right.”

  He gently led me over to the cross, and turned me towards the cross and spread my legs. The fact that he decided to put me facing the cross excited me and scared me all at once. I anticipated that he would be using a whip or a belt on me, and my heart started to pound even more. The fact that I had no idea what was coming increased the anticipation and the adrenaline.

  I was standing there, my chest facing the cross, my wrists secured to the top of the cross and my legs secured at the bottom. I found myself squeezing my eyes shut inside the blindfold, wondering what was going to happen. Slade had something up his sleeve, I knew that. Exactly what that was, I had no idea.

  I heard him rummaging around in my toy box, and then he chuckled. “You do have some things in here,�
� he said. “I had no idea.”

  I nodded my head, unable to speak. My breathing was coming too hard and I really didn’t have words to say.

  “I’ll just start kind of light,” he said. “You said that you don’t want anything too hardcore.”

  “You can do whatever you want,” I said. “I trust you that much.”

  I felt him rubbing something on my back, and I imagined it was some of the body butter that I had in the toy chest. I then felt his tongue slowly and languidly consuming the moisture that was on my back. “This is delicious,” he said. “Just like you.”

  He swirled his tongue around the opening of my ass, and the sensation was tantalizing. Then his finger was in my ass, and I could feel wetness stroking inside. I took a deep breath and then gasped as I felt anal beads. One bead went in, and then another and another and another. The first bead was small, and the next one was larger and the next was larger still and so on. Slade put each bead in my ass slowly and deliberately, taking care to make sure that I could feel each bead as it went in. I swallowed hard, and felt a slight ache in my nether parts that told me that I was close to orgasm already.

  “Don’t come yet,” he said. “I know you want to, but you have to hold back.”

  I nodded my head, but it was so difficult to stem the rising tide that was threatening to shoot throughout my body.

  “If you come, when I’m commanding you not to, you’re going to have to be punished,” he said. “Now, hold still.”

  He pushed himself against me, and I realized that he was still completely clothed. He was covering me with his entire body, and his tongue was lightly grazing the back of my neck. Then, with one hand, he started to remove the beads. I shook my head, trying mightily to hold back my climax, but, when each bead was removed, it was a sensation that was so piquant that I knew that I couldn’t hold back. I cried out, and Slade immediately put a ball gag over my mouth.