Beautiful Illusions Read online

  I could feel his breathing rapidly. I laid down beside him. He lay quietly, breathing hard for about five minutes. Then he said “I’ve never had a woman do that to me. That was amazing!”

  I admitted to myself that it wasn’t my first time doing that. I had some fairly kinky boyfriends in my past, and this was just one thing that they liked to have done to them.

  “Well, I have some tricks up my sleeve.” I laughed. I was feeling giddy, like on a sugar high. My limbs were still shaking, worse than ever now.

  He laughed, too, then kissed me passionately again. This guy is the Energizer Bunny I thought, as I felt him growing once more. Again, he was inside of me, thrusting harder this time. I could take it now. I would not have been able to take the aggressive thrusting earlier, but I was so swollen inside I could take anything. This time, it was more animalistic sex, less tender kissing and stroking and looking into each other’s eyes. He rocked his body so that I was on top of him, and I rode him hard for a long time. It was going to take some time for him to cum this time, because it would be his fourth time that night.

  And, indeed it did. Even with the animalistic nature of this particular encounter, he stayed hard inside me for well over an hour. I stayed lubricated that whole time - I was so turned on by everything. Him, his feelings for me, his vulnerability, his hotness – everything became like a mental salad for me, and I had never been so turned on in my life.

  This actually did go on all night. We made love a total of seven times that night, and, when the morning came, we were both exhausted and spent. We finally fell asleep around seven the next morning, his arms wrapped around me from behind, both of us still lying on the blanket on the floor.

  It was Sunday, and, when we woke up at 2 in the afternoon, I realized that he would have to leave soon. As much as I wanted to lie there forever, making love, he did have a job to go to the next day. But, he still wasn’t finished with me. Immediately upon waking, he had an erection, then entered me without foreplay. Somehow this was ok, even though I should have been so sore that making love again would be impossible. He lasted around 45 minutes this time, one of our shorter love-making sessions.

  After we made love that afternoon, both of us were starving. I didn’t feel like cooking, and there was nothing really that I could have cooked right then anyhow, as I hadn’t been to the store in awhile. So we got in his Porsche, and searched for a restaurant. We ended up at Sullivan’s Steakhouse, which was a trendy, yet comfortable, restaurant with a large patio and a hip, suburban business-type crowd. I settled in with my extra dirty martini. He tried a Tanqueray and tonic.

  I didn’t even notice the gawking this time. Well, I noticed it, but it didn’t bother me as much as it did before. Ryan was still focused on me completely.

  He smiled shyly. “You were, uh, amazing last night.”

  “And this morning, and this afternoon,” I laughed. He smiled discreetly.

  “I really wasn’t prepared for that when I came over.”

  “Yeah, it took me by surprise, too.”

  He suddenly looked pensive. “Uh, I said some things yesterday when I came over…”

  Here we go. He’s going to walk them back and tell me to disregard them. I actually hoped that he would walk them back and disregard them. But, no – he continued. “You didn’t really respond to what I said.”

  He’s going to pin me down yet. “Well, I uh. I guess I’m just cautious. I’ve been hurt. A lot. I have a hard time believing things.” And there is some mysterious person named Nick in your life. Please tell me about that. I continued. “I’ve heard men tell me that before, and I’ve also heard empty marriage promises before. It’s difficult when you are in the dating world to know if somebody is being sincere, or if they are really just a tool. And you are just so magnetic, handsome and intelligent. You can have anybody you want. Anybody you want.”

  “I understand that,” he said. “Really, I do. I just want you to know that I’m different than the guys that you have known in the past. I’m really crazy about you.”

  I just shook my head. “What are the words to that song about the word that isn’t said enough, yet also too much?”

  “Those three words are said too much, yet not enough,” he sang from Chasing Cars.

  “Right. You have a great voice, by the way.”

  “Thanks,” he said without enthusiasm.

  “Anyhow, I have a hard time believing things. Blame your sleazy brethren for using the love word to get women into bed.” I was trying to make a joke, but it was falling flat.

  “I said something else to you.”

  Oh, now he wants me to elaborate on how I feel about his wanting to marry me. This might be slightly trickier.

  “Yes, well, let’s see. I guess I would have to say that if we go out for a long time, like a year, and you really get to know me and I get to know you, than we can talk seriously about…that other thing.” There, that should cover it.

  Again, other men had ruined that talk for me as well. I had heard the empty marriage promises, early on in the relationship, too many times. I was wise to that game, too.

  He looked me square in the eye. “This isn’t a game, Iris. I know it’s soon, but I knew that I wanted to marry you from the moment I met you. You felt it too. I noticed you from across the bar, and I was going to go and talk to you, then you came up to me. And I knew. You’ll find out soon enough that I’m serious about this.”

  Let’s just drop this, shall we? “Where is our order? The waitress is taking forever.” She really wasn’t, but I was desperate to change the subject.

  He sighed, resigned that he wasn’t going to get more out of me on this subject.

  Changing the subject quickly, I said “So, Maximus and Brutus. How’d you pick them out?” I was impressed that he had not one, but two rescue dogs, including a pit bull mix.

  “Actually, this is going to sound crazy, but I got them when everything was falling apart. I was grieving over Mia, and Alexis was just starting her ultimate crazy shit. I didn’t know about her and Paul at the time, but she was distant and pushing me away. So, I went to the shelter to try to comfort myself and I found those two mutts there. They were brought into the shelter together, and I just fell in love with both of them.”

  “What were they named before you got them?”

  “I didn’t change their names. They were going by those names for several weeks, so I didn’t think that it was fair to them.”

  “So, they were true strays, or did somebody bring them in?”

  “True strays, from what I understand. Brutus, the pit bull mix, would’ve been put down immediately in a lot of cities around here.” This was true. Some of the suburbs had active pit bull bans because of several maulings. He continued “That’s so unfair to indict an entire breed because of what shitty owners do to some dogs to make them mean.”

  I nodded vigorously. “I know, it’s totally the owners. I happen to love pit bulls, but, at the same time, I feel for them when I see them around town. For some reason, I always imagine the worst, that they are a part of a dog fighting ring, even if they are just out and about with their owners. That’s why I had to become active in a pit bull rescue group. They are the sweetest dogs, but have such a bad reputation, which is tragic and undeserved.”

  “I feel the same way. And your compassion for those animals is one of the many reasons why I am in love with you.”

  We chatted a little bit more throughout the meal. I deftly avoided the serious subject of us and our future, but I really wanted to find out a bit more about his background. However, I noticed earlier how his father was a sore subject, so I had a difficult time figuring out how to approach it.

  I finally opted not to approach it at all.

  After dinner was over, we went back to my apartment. I figured that he would leave that night, because, after all, he did have to work in the morning. I kinda also had to work in the morning, but my schedule was cleared for that day, so I really only had to get caught up
on paperwork. A lot of paperwork. He surprised me, however, when he followed me into my apartment. “Do you mind if I spend the night with you again?” he asked me before coming up.

  “No, no, of course not.”

  “I mean, of course, I have to be at work in the morning, so we’re going to have to get some sleep tonight. I just really don’t want to leave just yet.”

  “Yes, of course.”

  But that night was the same as the previous night, as we made love for hours, in my bed that time. Finally, at 3 AM, I announced that we had to get some sleep, because he wasn’t going to be very productive at work when he had to go in at 8 that morning. He agreed, attempted to sleep, then made love to me again.

  “You’re going to be exhausted in the morning.”

  “Exhausted and happy.”

  I was amazed at his libido. And the thought crossed my mind that maybe he was one of those addictive personalities, and I was just another of his addictions.

  Banish the thought.

  He did manage to get up and leave my apartment at 6 AM, so that he could go home and change for work and get there by 8. I was sad to see him leave, of course, but I knew that I would be seeing him soon.

  Chapter Eleven

  Weeks went by, and Ryan and I managed to spend every evening together. It was somewhat difficult because both of us had animals. It was decided that, since he had two dogs, and I had one cat, that we would spend most of our time at his place, instead of mine. I took Madison over with me when I visited. This was a much better arrangement then both of us hanging out in my apartment, not just because of the animal situation, but also because his place was a palatial mansion, and mine was, of course, a tiny hovel.

  However, one day, I arrived home, after being away for a few days, to a most unpleasant surprise. There was a note on my door asking me to go to the office. The property management people wanted to see me.

  I felt like I was a bad kid going to the principal’s office as I approached the clubhouse.

  “You wanted to see me?” I asked after I arrived in the property manager’s office.

  “Yes, Ms. Snowe. Sit down.”

  I took my seat across from the glaring woman. I never could stand her, and, now that she was a good nine months pregnant, she was bitchier than ever, probably because of the hormones.

  “We have become aware that you have a cat in your apartment.”

  I turned red. I never declared Madison, preferring not to deal with the hassle of paying a pet deposit and the extra rent for a pet. I couldn’t deny her existence, although I didn’t really know how they found out about her. “Yes, yes, I do.”

  “I’m very sorry, Ms. Snowe, but you are in violation of your lease. You will have to vacate the premises within 30 days.”

  30 days? Unfuckingbelievable. Granted, it was my fault for trying to pull a fast one, but still….

  “Wait, wait, wait. Um, I’m sorry about the cat. I’d be happy to pay back rent for her and a deposit.” I calculated it in my head. It would be tough to swing the extra money, but I’d manage.

  “I’m terribly sorry, but we have already found a new renter for that unit.”

  I was dumbfounded. They were kicking me out? I wasn’t aware that the units were in such high demand. Then again, due to the recession, people were losing their homes right and left, or not qualifying for a home at all. Rentals probably were in demand.

  I was shaking my head. “Isn’t there anything I can do?”

  “I’m sorry Ms. Snowe.”

  I sighed. My mind went blank. Well, this is a fine how do you do. Now you have a forcible eviction on your record, and a cat. Plus, your credit is generally shitty because of the Yellow Page ad default – I had taken out a full page ad in the Yellow Pages that I was unable to pay.

  Who’s going to rent to you now?

  I imagined myself homeless.

  I could always move in with my mother. My nephew had recently moved out of that house, so there was an extra bedroom.

  I went back up my apartment. It was an off night from Ryan, because he had a fund-raiser to attend, as he frequently does. I had found out over the course of the last few weeks that he sat on the board of several charities, so doing fund-raisers was one of his job descriptions. I was pleased to learn that one of the charities was one close to my heart, the Humane Society. But the fund-raiser tonight was for the Rose Brooks House, a battered woman’s shelter. It was being held downtown in one of the large hotels.

  My phone rang. It was Ryan. “Hello, beautiful,” he said. This was his standard greeting for me.

  “Hey. I thought you were at a fundraiser?”

  “I am. They’re getting ready to start the silent auction, so I had a minute, and just wanted to call and say hello.”

  “That’s sweet.” I wasn’t in the mood to be talkative.

  “So, what’re you doing?”

  Contemplating living on the streets with my cat. “Nothing, just watching a little television.” My viewing habits were classed up a bit, as I was getting ready to watch Mad Men on Netflix.

  “I wish you were here.” We’d actually discussed my going as his date. He wanted me to, I didn’t. I wasn’t ready for that just yet.

  “Yeah, me too.” This actually wasn’t a lie. Those things could be boring, but they could sometimes be fun. And the food was generally passable, if not great. At any rate, the food was better than what I had in my fridge. I was spending so much time at Ryan’s house that my fridge was more threadbare than ever. As I spoke to Ryan, I contemplated getting a Hardee’s turkey burger for dinner. I loved those things.

  “Well, honey, the auction is going to start, so I’ll talk to you later.”

  “Later.”

  I did end up getting Hardee’s that evening, picking up a newspaper at the gas station. I better look at the rooms for rent or anything I can find. Hopefully somebody who won’t do a credit check.

  I went to bed around 10 PM, and the door was knocking at 11.

  “Hey,” I greeted Ryan.

  “Uh, I was in the neighborhood?” He looked sheepish.

  Yeah, right. Your fundraiser was downtown, a good thirty minutes away. If you were in the neighborhood, it was because you drove to it. I found that humorous.

  “Ah, you’re here for your booty call,” I said, walking back towards the bedroom.

  “Well, yes, but I missed you tonight.” He grabbed me and spun me around, and kissed me passionately, his tongue hungrily exploring my mouth. He tasted of red wine and dark chocolate.

  We parted, as I started walking back to the bedroom. I expected him to follow me.

  I turned around, and saw him looking at the newspaper that was folded on the coffee table. I had circled several ads for rooms for rent in red.

  “What’s this?” he asked.

  Oh, geez, this is embarrassing. I still got embarrassed when I was caught up doing stupid things. “Uh, actually, Madison is here illegally.” “Illegally” was not quite the right word, but it was all that I could come up with just then. “I mean illicitly,” I corrected myself when I thought of the right word.

  “And?”

  “And I have to move out. In thirty days.”

  He looked happy about this.

  “Exactly why are you smiling?”

  “Sit down.”

  I sat down, and he sat down next to me on the couch. “Um, uh…well, you know, you could move in with me.”

  Oh, hell no. Hell to the no.

  “That is very sweet of you to offer, but I can handle this on my own,” I lied.

  He looked crushed. “Won’t you at least consider it?”

  I shook my head. “Impossible. It’s too soon.” Then I realized that I was telling a guy who told me that he was in love with me on the second date (or was it the first?) that something is too soon. My words were falling on deaf ears.

  “See, I don’t think so. We get along. Things are going really well.”

  I was dumbfounded. “You see how I live. Do yo
u really want that in your house?”

  “Actually, yes, as long as you come with your lifestyle.” That makes a lot of sense. Of course I would be coming with my lifestyle. Why would my lifestyle be coming without me? I was thinking about that phrase entirely too literally.

  “No. The answer is no. Now come to bed, if you want.”

  But of course, moving in with him was exactly what I did. I put in applications for leases all over town, but, just as I thought, my forcible eviction and lousy credit put the kibosh on all of them. I knew that Ryan was secretly rooting against all of the apartment complexes. I wouldn’t be surprised if he paid them all off, one by one, to deny me.

  Of course, it wouldn’t take something that nefarious to get me denied at these places. My history did that all on its own.

  Finally, I called uncle. But first, he had to meet my family.

  At his house, when I finally confessed that I was going to take him up on his offer, I put the stipulation of meeting my family. There was no way that I would move in with him, making such a serious step, without them first meeting him. Ryan readily agreed.

  I figured that this was a good time to see if there was some reciprocity in this.